I'm not ready ...

I'm so not ready to proceed to the next stage yet. I know that it's time to make some progress to the next level, but I'll get all stressed up and nervous when I think about it. I did plan and think about it, but it's for the future... perhaps few years down the road? Just not now yet ... J been telling me he is doing the house hunting, r**g researching ... Wow .. I do not know how immediate it is, but it's totally freaking me out every time he mentions it.

Honestly, I'm just gonna be 26 soon... 26!! I still have a lot of things that I wanted to do...without so much commitment attached... Probably getting married is not a big thing, but to start a family? I don't think I'm ready for it... definitely not now, not next year ...

Honestly, honestly, I still have some things that I really wanted to do, but I do not have financial aid to fulfill it yet. And that is sad ... Getting a degree in Software Development isn't my first choice. All these years, I've been dying to take Psychology studies... Well, looking at the course fee @ UK isn't cheap ... well part of me wanted to further my studies, and part of me just wanted to change environment... I would prefer not to stay in the same environment too long. It gets boring overtime -- too routine --. Not my style.

I really did enjoy my year when I spent my Uni time in Aussie, and another 'escaping year' @ Japan ... and now I've been back to Boleh-land for almost 3 years... I started to get bored now. Provided I've been too stucked up into my working life which consumes most of my 'me' time... and I can tell that I'm not better than a running machine ... or say, an obedient conveyer belt?? And I really really need a change... I even planned to apply for a job @ Denmark.. I really hoped it will work out, but then, they have taken down the programme due to the economy crisis... Sigh ... there goes my hope ... (T_T) ... imagine Denmark ... sigh ...

So now, I'm back to zero... waking up everyday, going to work, back from work and sleep. Life is just too routine and boring. I hate it ... So I guess, I will be sulking for the next few months till I found any new plans... hope it will work next time ... sigh ...

I miss Edward C ... I need time ...

It's a mix~~

Sometimes i think i can't handle my job anymore ... it's too much of stress ... everyday is a rush rush rush for me ...all task seems to be 'critical' ... sigh ... i've never leave the office when the sky is still bright...if it is not the thousand'th times Jackie called me to go home, i think i wont leave the office. But lately, while driving, i've been doing lots of thinking ... should i change my job? do i like what im doing? the answer is 'mix-mix' ... There's a part of me hate it becos it consumes most of my 'me' time.. even during the weekends and HOLIDAYS ... but another part of me kinda love what I'm doing right now. I can't imagine if i were to switch to other job, and i will be thinking what position i will be applying to... im kinda like what i've been doing now... but just the workload is way way too heavy ...and plus my tiny salary that didnt motivates me at all ... sigh ...

Time is always NOT ENOUGH!

Sigh... I'm so overloaded... Need time for my work, need time after work to take care of my 'household chores'... need time need time .... stress from work is humongous!!! I'm being pushed to from left to right, right to left, up to the bottom ... Can I have my L.I.F.E back?? Please ?? ARRRGHHH!!!

This is my very first time having gastric, due to my uncertain meal time... Lunch is always late, and will be always late late late late... from 12.30, dragged to 1.00. From 1.00 dragged to 1.30. From 1.30 dragged to 2.00!!! from 2.00 dragged to 2.15!!! sooner no need to take lunch already!!! Having everyone in the office go for lunch is even harder... nobody wants to move their butts... including me ... (*__*)|||

Dinner time is always late... not that i don't want to leave early for lunch and dinner... when you stucked with your work, time flies fast...

I need my stress-free life back... please ....

Drowning

Help!!! I need fresh air .. Im drowning. This week is a hella week for me. It consumes a lot of my mental strenght. I'm suffocated with workload which is so demanding. Perhaps, I'm still not capable to cope with this type of workload. But to compare with my colleague, she's handling more work than I do and she can juggle with her task very well. And not to mentioned, she performs well. I wonder how can I do like she does. Ohh goshh ... Im so tired. How can I recover from mental tiredness? I can felt my head is growing bigger and heavier, my eyes are almost poping out. Help ~~~~~ I wanted to take leave so badly but when i think about the situation im having right now, I cant afford to take leave. I can't image how much work will be piled up till i returned from my short vacation, if i were to have one. Dare not to imagine that ... x(*^*)x

Please when can i not going to work from 9-6, 5 days a week, and yet generating sufficient income??