I'm not ready ...

I'm so not ready to proceed to the next stage yet. I know that it's time to make some progress to the next level, but I'll get all stressed up and nervous when I think about it. I did plan and think about it, but it's for the future... perhaps few years down the road? Just not now yet ... J been telling me he is doing the house hunting, r**g researching ... Wow .. I do not know how immediate it is, but it's totally freaking me out every time he mentions it.

Honestly, I'm just gonna be 26 soon... 26!! I still have a lot of things that I wanted to do...without so much commitment attached... Probably getting married is not a big thing, but to start a family? I don't think I'm ready for it... definitely not now, not next year ...

Honestly, honestly, I still have some things that I really wanted to do, but I do not have financial aid to fulfill it yet. And that is sad ... Getting a degree in Software Development isn't my first choice. All these years, I've been dying to take Psychology studies... Well, looking at the course fee @ UK isn't cheap ... well part of me wanted to further my studies, and part of me just wanted to change environment... I would prefer not to stay in the same environment too long. It gets boring overtime -- too routine --. Not my style.

I really did enjoy my year when I spent my Uni time in Aussie, and another 'escaping year' @ Japan ... and now I've been back to Boleh-land for almost 3 years... I started to get bored now. Provided I've been too stucked up into my working life which consumes most of my 'me' time... and I can tell that I'm not better than a running machine ... or say, an obedient conveyer belt?? And I really really need a change... I even planned to apply for a job @ Denmark.. I really hoped it will work out, but then, they have taken down the programme due to the economy crisis... Sigh ... there goes my hope ... (T_T) ... imagine Denmark ... sigh ...

So now, I'm back to zero... waking up everyday, going to work, back from work and sleep. Life is just too routine and boring. I hate it ... So I guess, I will be sulking for the next few months till I found any new plans... hope it will work next time ... sigh ...

I miss Edward C ... I need time ...

Leave Out All The Rest

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I made

I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well

Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are ....

* never stop lurving it ...

How deep is your love?

Edward Cullen:
"Before you, my life was a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars-points of light and reason....And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire;there was a brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."

Wow ... If someone told me that, I will surely melted like a choco in microwave ... haaa ...
wondering if you will ever love someone that much? Or will someone love you that much? I guess yes... I can say J sometimes will do something romantic but with his own little way ... not as touchy as Edward thou ... Somehow I would tried to make J read, so he can learn =P so I can be happier ... So J can dazzle me like Edward do ... sound so selfish :S ...

*I'm evil*

Never wanted to stop

And so I continue to read and read and read. I woke up earlier so I can read few pages before I leave home. After working hours, I’ll just grab some food, a quick one, and continue my journey with Edward Cullen .. The character I fell deeply in love with. I wonder if I fell in love Edward Cullen in the book or Edward Cullen in the movie… But I can say I really love Edward Cullen in the movie, but was totally dazzled by the book version … heehee…

Well, I kept reading till 3AM in the morning till I couldn’t open my eye… huh … It’s because Edward was gone in New Moon’s … was so sad till I have to read faster n faster till Edward appear again ..

Honestly, once I have start reading, I couldn’t stop … I took a total of 5 days to complete 3 books. 3 thick books… After I finished the last one, well, I can tell that I went into ‘depression mode’ because there is no more Edward … =`(

And I ended up going back to Times Bookshop to buy the first book. And was so happy that I can start reading the first book. I realize that the book is much better than the movie … glad that I bought the first book. Now I have the entire Twilight Saga collection …

And what else do I want? I want the Twilight Blue Ray collection set … was convincing J to buy me the set … i can tell that the set isn't cheap ... heehee… Well, I have to wait till end of May before I can see my collection ... it's only be released on 5 May .. I guess it will take few weeks to arrive Boleh-land .. :S


Here is my favorite quote from Edward:
“.. and so the lion fell in love with the lamb” …

The day I start reading

I must remember today. It’s a day where it changed me from what I am. Although it is nothing big, but it has the impact on me and this changed my perception… If you know me well, except reading text book during high school and university time, I don’t really read. Of course I do read magazines, but books? I have to admit, I bought quite a lot of books but all of it is just to ‘satisfy’ my room… I think it looks nice to have a few nice books lying out… I can say that I have never, never finished reading 1 book.

But it changed. It happens when I was doing my usual strolling @ one of the regular bookstore @ Pavilion. They are having some promotion on the Twilight Saga. So I took a look and thought of buying it as a collection. Since all the 4 books are available… Was considering to buy all 4 or just 3… because I have watched the first movie. So I just bought 3 instead of the whole set. During the nite, I started to read the second book. New Moon. To my surprise, I was unable to stop reading .. WoW.