I'm not ready ...

I'm so not ready to proceed to the next stage yet. I know that it's time to make some progress to the next level, but I'll get all stressed up and nervous when I think about it. I did plan and think about it, but it's for the future... perhaps few years down the road? Just not now yet ... J been telling me he is doing the house hunting, r**g researching ... Wow .. I do not know how immediate it is, but it's totally freaking me out every time he mentions it.

Honestly, I'm just gonna be 26 soon... 26!! I still have a lot of things that I wanted to do...without so much commitment attached... Probably getting married is not a big thing, but to start a family? I don't think I'm ready for it... definitely not now, not next year ...

Honestly, honestly, I still have some things that I really wanted to do, but I do not have financial aid to fulfill it yet. And that is sad ... Getting a degree in Software Development isn't my first choice. All these years, I've been dying to take Psychology studies... Well, looking at the course fee @ UK isn't cheap ... well part of me wanted to further my studies, and part of me just wanted to change environment... I would prefer not to stay in the same environment too long. It gets boring overtime -- too routine --. Not my style.

I really did enjoy my year when I spent my Uni time in Aussie, and another 'escaping year' @ Japan ... and now I've been back to Boleh-land for almost 3 years... I started to get bored now. Provided I've been too stucked up into my working life which consumes most of my 'me' time... and I can tell that I'm not better than a running machine ... or say, an obedient conveyer belt?? And I really really need a change... I even planned to apply for a job @ Denmark.. I really hoped it will work out, but then, they have taken down the programme due to the economy crisis... Sigh ... there goes my hope ... (T_T) ... imagine Denmark ... sigh ...

So now, I'm back to zero... waking up everyday, going to work, back from work and sleep. Life is just too routine and boring. I hate it ... So I guess, I will be sulking for the next few months till I found any new plans... hope it will work next time ... sigh ...

I miss Edward C ... I need time ...